In some ways divorce is a microcosm of life. Ups and downs just like always (except probably more extreme when you’re divorcing than most daily challenges). Some moments you’re feeling great, exuberant even, free from the marriage that has been troubling you for a while. Other times you feel really low, too exhausted to continue (and at that moment, you learn your ex has filed for a court date, or your attorney is demanding to be paid, or your kids are acting out, or etc.) Divorce is often referred to as one of the most difficult life events – but you already know that. At times during your divorce, the highs might feel really marvelous, and the lows might challenge you more than you feel you can bear. And still, you must go on, even when you don’t have one more ounce to spare. You can’t give up. Somehow you have to muster the strength – for yourself, for your kids, for your future….
If your divorce is getting you down, you gotta get yourself up, not give up. Of course I’m not saying it’s easy. Many things that are worthwhile don’t come easy. You will have to seriously engage in order to make things better. Create your own “boot camp.” Get tough with yourself so that you can take good care of yourself.
So here’s what I suggest:
- · Consciously decide that you, your life, your future, your happiness are worth it
- · Give yourself a limit – for example, let yourself feel weary and blue for another 48 hours – and then be ready to find your boot straps and move on
- · Make a list of all the things about your divorcing life that suck; make a list of all the things about your divorcing life that are great – include the things that will be better post-divorce; you might be surprised by what is on the lists
- · Get physical! Take a walk, ride a bike, engage in Yoga (in a class or online), or scrub your bathroom – each of these activities will release positive endorphins
- · Visit with a good friend or loving relative
- · Start making plans of what you will be doing post-divorce
- · Thank yourself, the Universe/your god, for all of the great things that you do have (e.g., running water, a roof over your head, people who love you, great children, your special talents for ____, etc., etc.)
- · Remind yourself that you are strong and that you are not going to give up – have faith
- · If you need help, ask for it – utilize your support network, including loved ones and divorce coaches
Try to remember that tomorrow or the next day (or the next month), the sun will shine again….