It is difficult to write this article. It is a difficult topic. Distasteful.
Ugly. Sad. We are more used to keeping this topic in the
dark than willingly discussing it...which is exactly why we need to shine the
light. There are many articles that need
to be written -- and that need to be read
-- about domestic violence. This short
piece briefly touches on the people behind the labels.
There
are a range of "victims" and a whole array of
"perpetrators." Most reported
domestic violence is done by men against women; this isn't to say the
vice-versa doesn't exist but it isn't as common (studies have put the number at
85% male to female violence). Domestic
violence happens across religions -- Jews, Muslims, Christians, Buddhists,
etc. Often domestic abuse is
under-reported. Maybe in part we don't
see it because we don't want to look....
Most
estimates concur that domestic violence occurs in 15% to 30% of all
relationships. Accurate numbers are hard
to come by because of under-reporting and inaccurate reporting and inconsistent
definitions. We do know that domestic
abuse occurs across the general population.
Whites, Blacks, Latinos, Asians, etc.
Rich, poor, and everything in between.
Its victims and perpetrators can be PhD. educated or lacking in formal
schooling. Young or old. Domestic violence does not pick
favorites. (Many in this field refer to
reported cases as the tip of the iceberg, believing that most cases actually go
unreported.)
Under
the Family Code in California, domestic violence includes: hitting and threatening, and does not need to
involve physical contact, although of course it often does; it can include
verbal, psychological, and emotional abuse; see,
e.g., Family Code § 6320.
Recently
a young woman was beaten by her boyfriend and the photographs ignited a
conversation with the hashtag "SilenceHidesViolence" that has
"gone viral". In the last
couple years awareness has been increasing.
I am not
suggesting that domestic abuse is everywhere and unfortunately sometimes people
call the police, file for a restraining order, make accusations, when there is
no domestic violence. Sometimes calling
the cops is used as a weapon against the "other side" -- but
comparatively, these cases are not the norm.
What I am suggesting is that
we remain aware and open minded so we can see that domestic abuse can and does
occur across all religious, ethnic, socio-economic, geographic, etc., etc., boundaries. I have written this article to highlight the
fact that domestic violence can touch your neighbor, your clergy, your
professor, the clerk in your corner market, yourself...and by shining a light I
hope we can help people come forward, get help, make things better...one family
at a time....
References:
http://www.courts.ca.gov/selfhelp-domesticviolence.htm
https://www.womenshealth.gov/violence-against-women/types-of-violence/emotional-abuse.html
http://www.cobar.org/index.cfm/ID/0/subID/286/About-Perpetrators-of-Domestic-Violence/
http://www.the-ripple-effect.info/pdf/amajorpublichealthissue.pdf
http://jcada.org/www/docs/4
http://jech.bmj.com/content/58/7/536.full
