Door Knockers, Rome
I saw a “joke” on a German Instagram for lawyers. It goes
something like this: “Ending your marriage is really tough because you have to
deal with feelings…and with lawyers….” Yes, I chuckled when I saw it. And I also recoiled
a little. I’d like to see the narrative
re-framed: “We got to work through some really difficult issues and with the
help of a lawyer we came up with a great workable mediation agreement!”
It doesn’t make a good snappy joke
and perhaps it does sound a little ridiculous – who wants to deal with feelings and with attorneys, and who would ever
believe that the acrimony that led to divorce could move over so that an agreement
could be reached?? But the truth is,
getting a divorce doesn’t have to add to the emotional minefield. There are effective
ways to divorce that don’t add gasoline to the raging fire. As
counter-intuitive as it might sound, based on my years of life and work
experience, I hope to convince you that mediating a peaceful settlement is actually
a great way to obtain a divorce.
Dealing with the underlying
feelings – the reasons for the
disputes – can work miracles to help the divorcing parties come to
understandings of themselves and of their former partners, leading the way for
agreements regarding custody and property and all those other thorny family law
issues. The benefits of this approach can include saving substantial amounts of
money by not going to court – litigation is horribly expensive. Mediation also
saves emotional wear and tear for every member of the family – divorcing
spouses and children and siblings (and also friends and co-workers) – as unfortunately
litigation often brings out the very worst in otherwise nice people. There are also significant long-term benefits because
an agreement where each person has a say is much more likely to be adhered to
in the future, which reduces the likelihood of having to go to court to make
changes.
I love my work as a family law
mediator and I’m on a mission to help people get divorced without feeling like
they’ve bounced through class five rapids without a raft. Coming to an agreement on important issues like custody, support,
the family home, the family dog, etc., etc., feels really good for the people
getting divorced, which can be an important step toward living a happy
post-divorce life.
I try to help divorcing parties to
focus on the long game and not just the pain and anger which they are currently
feeling (all of which is valid and has its place too). Sitting with their ex in
a mediator’s office might not be the way that most people would choose to spend
their afternoons, however, more often than not, the end result is great and
makes it well worth the effort.
If you think mediation might be
right for you, please feel free to contact me with your questions. Tel:
510.210.3796 Email: karen@karenjusterhecht.net
