“Life is like riding a
bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.”
A
powerful and unavoidable component of divorce is change. When the divorce is over, you will no longer
be the spouse of the person you married (often that person no longer seems to
exist -- but that's the topic of another blog post!). There will be a multitude of other changes as
well, from enormous to very small; (e.g., financial, sharing/not sharing of kid
duties and household chores, co-parenting versus parenting together, suddenly
having more than sixty seconds to be actually alone, not having to replace the cap on the toothpaste, etc., etc.).
Even if you
are the person who sought the divorce, there will likely be some part of you
that will resist the deluge of changes. Resistance
might occur on an unconscious level. And,
whether we are aware of it or not, we expend a lot of energy trying to avoid changes.
I am not going to try to convince you that you will
be better off after your divorce is over -- I think if you were unhappy in your
marriage, if you have been struggling through the divorce, you will be happier after, but really,
that's a personal, subjective characterization.
Nor am I going to try to tell you that you should pretend there aren't major
changes happening in your world -- "Yes, it's true -- the changes wrought
through divorce are colossal!"
What I
am going to try to get you to believe is that even with huge, life altering, modifications
-- even with "bad" changes -- new and unexpected things will come into your
life that will be good. Even wonderful. Change means movement and since we can't actually
move backwards in life, it means moving forward. Moving forward really does open doors that we
cannot dream might exist when we are trying so hard to cling to the past...even
when that past has already slipped out of our grasp....And this brings up the
practical reality: the changes are happening anyway...I guarantee you will have
much more energy for the life that you are entering into if you can let go of
the life that you are leaving behind....
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