Although it may be quite difficult, I highly recommend
bringing compassion into your divorce. You can start by having compassion for
yourself. Acknowledge that you are going
through a really big change and it is likely you are feeling some sadness and
some confusion, maybe some anger, maybe some joy. It is a time of big emotions. Take care of yourself, be understanding to
yourself. Even if you find yourself
engaging in conduct that you're not so happy about, see if you can make a decision
to change those behaviors , and then give yourself a pass for your past
conduct. You can give yourself TLC while
still facing up to your "flaws" because we are human beings and we
all have flaws....
Which
leads to thoughts of your ex...after you get the hang of self-compassion, try
to find that same compassion you have been showing to yourself, and work to
cultivate it toward your divorcing ex. Yes,
that's what I said -- show compassion and empathy toward your ex. If you can do this, some benefits include:
- · reducing negativity in your life
- · using your energy for your positive actions
- · your compassion toward your ex might be reciprocated
- · if you have children, by showing compassion toward your ex, you will help your children to be able to feel loving toward both their parents
- · by cultivating compassion toward someone who you might not like so well, you are giving yourself a tremendous learning opportunity
- · if you are still working out the details of your split, through litigation, mediation, or on your own, you and your ex can begin to trust each other's communication, which will help move you forward while also keeping the peace
Resources:
·
http://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/pdf_files/compassion_divorce_sallan.pdf
·
http://alwayswellwithin.com/2014/05/11/compassion-dislike/
·
http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_self_compassion_can_help_you_through_divorce
