Bringing Compassion Into Your Divorce

           Although it may be quite difficult, I highly recommend bringing compassion into your divorce.  You can start by having compassion for yourself.  Acknowledge that you are going through a really big change and it is likely you are feeling some sadness and some confusion, maybe some anger, maybe some joy.  It is a time of big emotions.  Take care of yourself, be understanding to yourself.  Even if you find yourself engaging in conduct that you're not so happy about, see if you can make a decision to change those behaviors , and then give yourself a pass for your past conduct.  You can give yourself TLC while still facing up to your "flaws" because we are human beings and we all have flaws....

                Which leads to thoughts of your ex...after you get the hang of self-compassion, try to find that same compassion you have been showing to yourself, and work to cultivate it toward your divorcing ex.  Yes, that's what I said -- show compassion and empathy toward your ex.  If you can do this, some benefits include:

• ·         reducing negativity in your life 
• ·         using your energy for your positive actions 
• ·         your compassion toward your ex might be reciprocated
• ·         if you have children, by showing compassion toward your ex, you will help your children to be able to feel loving toward both their parents
• ·         by cultivating compassion toward someone who you might not like so well, you are giving yourself a tremendous learning opportunity
• ·         if you are still working out the details of your split, through litigation, mediation, or on your own, you and your ex can begin to trust each other's communication, which will help move you forward while also keeping the peace

 Please note: I am not saying that if your ex is abusive you should take it; however, even in an abusive situation, it is possible to show compassion without condoning or "taking" the abuse. 

Resources:

·         http://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/pdf_files/compassion_divorce_sallan.pdf

·         http://alwayswellwithin.com/2014/05/11/compassion-dislike/

·         http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_self_compassion_can_help_you_through_divorce